My Breastfeeding Journey
Tough as a mother— this shirt speaks volumes as to how tough breastfeeding has been and how I stuck with it through the tough times. As soon as I saw it at Target, I knew I had to get it! Being a mom is so hard, but moms are so tough! I want to preface this post by saying if you are a mom, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. It doesn’t matter how you feed your baby as long as they are happy and healthy.
August is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month— I’ve had quite the journey with it, so I wanted to share it all with y’all in hopes it offers support or helps another mama out there. Never in a million years would I have thought breastfeeding Joanie would be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do—harder than childbirth for me!! 4.5 months in and things are finally looking up, so I wanted to share the details with you. For those mamas out there who may be struggling with breastfeeding, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I felt that way so so many times, especially when I would see babies nursing with ease all around me. I would constantly ask myself, “What is wrong with me that she doesn’t want to nurse? She doesn’t love me.” This spiraled until I was in a depressed state, but part of me just couldn’t seem to accept the fact she wouldn’t nurse and I kept trying and trying and trying…
Her issues started right from the beginning in the hospital. When it was time for Joanie to eat, getting her to latch and stay latched was so incredibly difficult. I was frustrated, exhausted, and had multiple lactation consultants try and help. They gave me a nipple shield and concluded that I had “flat nipples.” She seemed to latch a little better with the nipple shield so we stuck with that. Before we left the hospital, she was screaming after refusing to latch for too long. She guzzled down a bottle of formula so fast, I was in tears. I had taken the breastfeeding class, and had set myself this goal to breastfeed for 6 months. Being a perfectionist in nature, I was upset that it may not work out. We went to Target on the way home and bought more formula. I fully believe in FED IS BEST when it comes to feeding your baby and I fully support those who formula feed, I just still couldn’t get nursing out of my head thinking I couldn’t just give up this easily.
So we tried again at home with the nipple shield and she would latch. The Hatch scale said she was gaining. A week and half later, I couldn’t take the pain anymore. My nipples felt like they were on fire. Almost like that chills feeling you get when you hear nails on a chalkboard. I couldn’t get any relief, so I called a lactation consultant to come to the house. She concluded that Joanie was taking in enough milk, but that with my nipple blanching and vasospasms I was having, that I may have Raynaud’s Syndrome. Read about it here. My doctor prescribed me blood pressure meds that are supposed to help with it. I took one and had the worst migraine of my life and had to stop taking them. I started taking some magnesium supplements and it actually started helping. Things were looking up.
By the time Joanie was 2 months old, I felt like we had reached a good place. She would nurse with the nipple shield, she was gaining weight, and I was almost pain free. Overnight, something switched with her. Whenever I would try to latch her, she would scream. She would arch her back and pull away screaming If I even tried to put her near me. I was devastated…filled with feelings of my baby didn’t want me. So I started pumping and giving her bottles, and tried to nurse her every session. Sometimes it would work, and sometimes it wouldn’t. There was no consistency at all. Exclusively pumping is absolutely exhausting…pump for 15-20 minutes, feed a bottle, clean pump parts and bottles, and its been almost 45 minutes. Nursing would have taken 15 minutes max. I felt trapped to the pump every 3 hours. This became all consuming and I was ready to throw in the towel, but I just couldn’t do it. I kept pumping and felt like I was a milk machine.
One day browsing breastfeeding resources online, I came across this photo.
I started reading off all the symptoms that Joanie and I both had. She was on reflux medicine, made clicking noises, at this point was struggling to gain consistent weight, was SO gassy and would scream while pooping, difficulty latching, milk would spill from the side of her mouth while eating, and would arch away from me. I had a white strip at the end of my nipple, pain while nursing, and vasopasms. This got me thinking I may have found the answer. I called the lactation consultant back over to my house and she looked for a tongue or lip tie. She suspected a Stage 3 lip tie. There are 4 stages of tongue and lip ties with 4 being the most severe. I immediately scheduled a consultation with a local pediatric dentist, Dr. Prather, who specializes in lip and tongue ties. Read about tongue and lip ties here with the services she offers.
At the consultation, it was determined that Joanie had a stage 4 lip tie, stage 4 posterior tongue tie, and buccal (cheek) ties on both sides. I was in tears. Joanie had gone over 3 months suffering from this and I had no idea. She was confident that Joanie’s feeding issues and my nipple pain was from her poor latch due to her mouth ties. Looking back at photos the dentist took, I can’t believe how we had no idea how severe this was.
Joanie’s Stage 4 Lip Tie
Joanie’s Stage 4 Posterior Tongue Tie
Dr. Prather did the laser procedure (lasted 5 minutes) and we had to then do mouth stretches for 21 days every 4 hours. This mama was exhausted! The first week was rough. It was hard for Joanie to nurse from the shield or drink from a bottle. We knew we wouldn’t see feeding results overnight, but her gassiness and reflux symptoms had vanished almost immediately post procedure. We were in shock that this could have cured her reflux issues. The dentist had said it probably wasn’t even reflux, but she had been swallowing so much air while trying to eat that it was causing her gas issues. After the first week, I can’t even believe I’m typing this, but Joanie latched without a shield. It hurt a little bit for me because I wasn’t used to it, but she ate. She started refusing the shield all together and actually wanted to breastfeed. After a little while, it didn’t hurt for me at all anymore. She was gaining weight faster, and I only had to pump twice— first thing in the morning and right before bed.
Now at 4.5 months, Joanie breastfeeds. If you had told me she would be doing this a month ago I would have laughed! I had given up at least 30 times, and I’m so glad I didn’t. I’m happy I trusted my gut that something was wrong, and was able to get her mouth ties fixed. She now only has a bottle before bed, and we breastfeed during the day. I don’t know how long this will last, but I’m just grateful for every day I get to nurse my sweet Jo. I love the bond I have been able to form with her since her mouth revisions. I have had an oversupply from the beginning and have already almost filled an entire deep freezer of breastmilk. I probably have enough in there to feed her for 3 months. She may be able to have breastmilk through her first birthday.
I’m so thankful to Dr. Prather for helping us, and if you read this far, thank you for reading along in our journey. If you are going through something similar or know of anyone going through something similar, please have them go to a pediatric dentist to check for a lip/tongue tie. I never would have thought that was the issue, and it turned out to be the root of the problem. I feel so grateful to be able to breastfeed Joanie now, and is something I’ll never take for granted.
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